the days daze

I'm not too fond of the where have I been post, but geez...Where have I been?  I got myself completely lost somewhere in the mix of holidays, vacation days, sick days, snow days, and the I-don't-even-know-what-day-it-is days.  I honestly called one of my kids off sick from school recently and said to the recording, "It's Thursday, January...uh...I don't know...20 something?...I think...well, it's Thursday anyway."  I was glad I knew that much at least!

I need to put an end to these days in a daze, so this is it...the beginning.  Happy New Year!

sing a song of gratitude

To all of the beautiful people out there...I'm talking to YOU!

I was just going through some old paperwork and I found something I had printed out years ago.  It's the (truncated) lyrics to Celie's song, I'm here, from The Color Purple.  I hope the words find you wherever you are today, in your heart and in your life.

I'M HERE

I DON'T NEED YOU TO LOVE ME,
I DON'T NEED YOU TO LOVE...
I GOT MY HOUSE.
IT STILL KEEP THE COLD OUT.
GOT MY CHAIR
WHEN MY BODY CAN'T HOLD OUT.
GOT MY HANDS
DOIN' GOOD LIKE THEY S'POSE TO,
SHOWIN' MY HEART
TO THE FOLKS THAT I'M CLOSE TO.
GOT MY EYES.
THOUGH THEY DON'T SEE AS FAR NOW,
THEY SEE MORE 'BOUT HOW THINGS
REALLY ARE NOW . . .
I'M GONNA TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
GONNA HOLD MY HEAD UP.
GONNA PUT MY SHOULDERS BACK,
AND LOOK YOU STRAIGHT IN THE EYE.
I'M GONNA FLIRT WITH SOMEBODY
WHEN THEY WALK BY.
I'M GONNA SING OUT . . .
SING OUT.
I BELIEVE I HAVE INSIDE OF ME
EVERYTHING THAT I NEED TO LIVE A BOUNTIFUL LIFE.
WITH ALL THE LOVE ALIVE IN ME
I'LL STAND AS TALL AS THE TALLEST TREE.
AND I'M
THANKFUL FOR EVERYDAY THAT I'M GIVEN,
BOTH THE EASY AND HARD ONES I'M LIVIN'.
BUT MOST OF ALL
I'M THANKFUL FOR
LOVING WHO I REALLY AM.
I'M BEAUTIFUL.
YES, I'M BEAUTIFUL,
AND I'M HERE.
 

half-pipe dreams

I don't know a lot about skateboarding, but I do know that it intrigues me.  It's an art.  It's rebellious.  It's good friends with rebellious art.  Mix that with some cool words like "ollie" and "fakie" and I want in...or really...I want to be a kid again.

I had a skateboard growing up, but I also had a gravel driveway...not such a great combination.  I know you're never too old to learn new things, but I'm starting to notice a gap between what my spirit wants and what my mind and body are actually willing to sign up for.  Plus my kids tell me that I'm not allowed to use slang.

A few weeks ago, my neighbor (whose garage is full of boards and ramps) posted a story on Facebook about two legendary skaters getting together at a gallery opening honoring the career of one of them.  Thanks to my pal, intrigue, I followed the link and while I watched the video of two people I didn't know talking about their lives in a subculture I've never been part of, I found an enormous amount of inspiration.

As I watched them setting up the gallery exhibit, I couldn't take my eyes off of the photography in the background. That was something I understood.  I fell in love with the work of one of the photographers in particular and I found this video on his website...

Through the Eyes of Brian Gaberman from Michael Baca on Vimeo.

I wanted to jump through my monitor and use that camera, play around in that darkroom, and live on that farm.

I followed a trail of bread crumbs that initially had very little to do with me and I found my heart's desire.

There was a time when seeing what others had would only remind me of what was missing from my life, but I don't feel that way anymore, nor do I really want to be a kid again.  I finally trust that what I have and where I am are enough.  When I stumble on things that light me up, whether on purpose or by accident, I consider them beacons...a place to point my ship...instead of just mere yearnings.

If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders...

Dude.