dancing around the block


What would I write about in five minutes, if I gave myself five minutes time?  Would I write about writer's block or fear or the fear of writer's block?  Would I ramble on aimlessly about nothing just to fill the time?  Does it have to make sense? Be something substantial?  Would I stop right there and look up the exact meaning of the word substantial?  Yes, I think I would.  Is that avoidance or curiosity?

A friend and I were talking recently about the things we want out of life and why we can't seem to get there.  The word 'fear' came up.  I danced around it.  I pretended to know about fear and how it shows up in my it holds me back. I said to my friend in a voice that sounded a little too convincing, "I don't really think it's fear..."  If I'm going to be honest though, it is.  I know fear best in thought...the anatomy of it, how it works, how it lies and tricks us into believing that playing it safe is really a better idea.  Is playing it safe, sometimes, a better idea?  

I've been struggling to pick a word to focus on for 2014.  There's been an internal battle going on inside of me between the word 'nurture' and words like 'go, work do!'.  One side wants me to be kind and take good, loving care of myself (that's wise), the other wants to push my sorry ass out the door and into the big scary world (hmm...also wise).  Neither word is very tolerant of the other.  I side with both.  But which one, I ask myself, is motivated by fear?  When I said to my friend, "I don't really think it's fear...", what I really meant was, "Oh, yes! It's definitely fear, but fear is so good at what it does that it won't even let me call it what it is."

Here's the trick...five minutes. 

Did this make sense?  Was it substantial?  Who cares!  I just slayed a dragon.

FEAR is my word this year.